Wednesday, June 22, 2005

RW McGelboim Tosses Gem During Team Batting Practice

(AP) Lincoln Park, IL- Batting practice is supposed to be a leisurely affair during which time team members better themselves by developing their hitting skills. Other team members usually hone their fielding skills fielding the hit balls. But outfielder RW McGelboim (known as "The Jewish Andruw Jones") turned yesterday's batting practice into something truly special.

McGelboim did not allow a hit, retiring 24 batters in a row until practice was called due to darkness.
Said McGelboim, "The pitches were really just going where I wanted them to go. My command felt great tonight."
Most of the hitters failed to connect, and the only close call came on a long fly ball hit by infield phenom Mike Matos that veered foul in the last instant, striking alcoholic team mascot Justin Miller in the genitals.

"That was a real close call. Fortunately it went foul and maimed Mills...err I mean Miller." said McGelboim.

Said Matos, "I jumped ahead of that cutter a little too much and fawkin' pulled it." Matos had attempted to direct the ball fair by jumping and flailing his arms but it was to no avail.

Team Notes- Granpa Gizburg plans to move in with player-manager Byron Emerson and outfielder Ray Ericks. "It wil be good for team unity. It worked for Mantle and Maris- I can't see why it won't work for us." noted Emerson...Mike Matos wore a white wig during practice, emulating his hero James Madison...The team made an official inquiry into the status of Sacramento Trojan outfielder and molestation victim Tony "The Diesel" Khoury, and Khoury has agreed to waive his "no trade" clause if dealt to Freida's Boss...Pitcher Mike Rothburg was fined $50 by league officials for wearing a necklace made of human tongues during last week's game...Emerson traded trinkets and blankets to a Pennsylvania Menonite in exchange for his mechanized skooter. "It's no rascal, but it will do." stated Emerson.

McGelboim's presence on the mound evoked images of a young Kent Bottenfield


Anonymous Tim Maloney said...

Do you guys need another shortstop? Sign me up! Anyone want to talk about St Louis? Did I ever tell you about the time I saw Jose Oquiendo naked?

6:53 AM

Anonymous juanita maloney said...

I'm tim's half sister. that mcgelboim looks hot. break me off a piece of that.

7:24 PM

Anonymous Tony Khoury said...

"The Jewish Andruw Jones," huh? Shit... That bastard McGelboim stole a ball from me two years ago in the outfield and I'll never forgive him. I'd pay Ricky Beltran to kill McGelboim, if McStallen hadn't have already killed Beltran

8:08 AM


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